For the past twenty-one years, I thought I was teaching my children to speak English, the only language that my husband and I are (sadly) fluent in.
Unless of course you count sarcasm. But, I digress.
I've recently discovered however that I didn't teach my teens English. I know this because my kids don't seem to understand a word I say.
For example, if I ask my children to put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher, my children seem to think that I'm asking them to put them on the counter above the dishwasher or leave them on the floor of their rooms.
When I ask my offspring to make their beds what they seem to hear is, please leave all your blankets and pillows in a squished up heap on the floor today.
And when I ask my kids to pick up their stuff from the back hall floor, they don't seem to hear a thing, because everything stays dumped there – right in the middle of the entrance.
It's frustrating but true. My children just don't understand anything I say.
But I have a plan to help them learn my language.
Kids? In the future if you ask me for the car keys?
I'm going to give you an empty smile and a vacant look. Yep, I'll give you the type of blank look that means I don't understand YOU.
If you're asking for money for a movie or to pay for a school trip?
Ditto for a drive to the mall.
Ask me for anything you want and I'll respond the same.
With a blank smile and vacant look.
Want to know how to get Tired Mama to understand you again?
PUT YOUR DIRTY DISHES IN THE DAMN DISHWASHER, PICK UP YOUR CRAP AND MAKE YOUR BEDS.
Oh, and thanks for listening, everyone.
Because you know my kids won't.