Do you think our boy’s okay?
That’s what I asked my husband tonight.
My hubby looked up from his computer, adjusted his glasses and studied me for a moment before he answered.
'I'm sure he's fine,' he replied. 'If anything had happened to him the school would have called us.'
You see, my son is away on a service project in Central America. He's with three teachers and seventeen classmates doing great things. He's in good hands. I know this. But there’s no contact with him or the group for two weeks. So, I worry about him at times.
But, my husband isn't lying to me. He honestly thinks that our boy is okay. If he didn't he would tell me.
You see, my husband doesn't lie to me.
I know this because there was a time when our youngest daughter was fourteen months old and lying in the emergency ward of a large New York Hospital. She had just experienced a febrile seizure that had lasted for three hours during which time she had repeatedly stopped breathing.
Those three hours were the longest hours of my entire life. And yes, I was totally freaking out. After she had been stabilized because of the drugs she had been given, my previously energetic, highly verbal toddler wouldn't talk and couldn’t sit unassisted. Heck, she could even lift her own head; she was a totally changed child.
In the mind, as I looked at her, all I could hear was the doctor's voice who had warned us that children who seized for long periods of time often suffered brain damage.
As my husband and I stared at our sleeping baby from opposite sides of her crib in the hospital, I whispered to him, 'Do you think we're going to get our little girl back?'
'I don't know.' he replied.
I remember wanting to scream at him. ‘Just say yes! Lie if you need to. Just say, yes! I am falling apart here and I just need to hear that she’s going to be okay.’
But, he didn’t lie, he told me the truth.
If I ask my husband if my new jeans make my butt look big, my husband will tell me what he thinks. And often? It's not pretty.
If I spend several hours making my husband dinner and I ask him if he likes it, he will honestly tell me the truth. Again, it’s often not pretty.
So, although there are times when I find my husband’s honesty annoying, tonight I am comforted by the knowledge that he won't lie to me.
So yes, I'm sure he believes our son is fine.
And that statement is comforting and I know he's probably right too.
At least my head is almost convinced.
My heart just misses our boy tonight.
And still worries.